Restless Nation: “We demand Primetime Flacco”

B’lair, Maryland

The Council of Ravens Roosts, in conjunction with the National Football League, has announced that the clash between Joe Flacco’s indomitable Baltimore Ravens and the Houston Residents of Texas has been moved from Sunday to Monday night at 5:30 PST.

The official reason for the unprecedented scheduling change is listed as “overwhelming national demand to see the Ravens.”

"Take that, insufficient local coverage..."

Not with a Bang, but a Shoulder

Bodymore, Murdaland

The promising career of Kyle Boller was put on hold once again this morning with the news he’s been placed on Injured Reserve for the 2008 season. Luckily, the Ravens were able to extend his contract prior to the injury, guaranteeing that the 5th year man will remain the Ravens quarterback of the future for at least 6 more months.

Cagey Cam ‘Cam’ Cameron had spoken in glowing terms about the Cal graduate, describing his play this summer as “cautious, wary, and shrewd.”

So it goes.

Boller’s Boleros, a local Ravens Roost formed by Kyle’s parents to drum up support for their son during the maturation process who is still in search of its first non-familial member, declined to comment, but did note that “at least Kyle’s no longer dating Tara Reid”. They also concede that their chosen nickname was ill-conceived and are open to suggestions.

The APT suggests Ray’s Rice Rockets.