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Ahh, growin’ up. One of the most difficult things about watching the years tick by is the realization that you will not, in fact, be a NFL superstar. And, hell, you won’t even become a MLL superstar. So, for what do we trade our childhood hopes and dreams?
Sadly, for most of us, only the realization that, as partially functioning adult members of society, we can eat bacon, Gummi Bears, and drink Olde English whenever we want. But, in leaner times, the money to purchase these luxuries isn’t always available. I contacted the Violence Corner Corner Store to see if the videotape of Gault sneakily slipping very expensive Charleston Chews into his jingly jangly cowboy boots was still available, but tragically, it’s been lost to time.
What did they send, however, was this video representation of what its like to be a member of this pool in week 7. It’s 11am. You’re wasted, completely lost, and your wallet, like your equilibrium, is nowhere to found. If only you could somehow get a million Bud Lights, you could make it through the day…
If you look closely at the 1:54 mark, you can see wisened pool veteran Bernan Adams Sr trying to prop the illustrious pool member up by its shoulder. Past results are, in fact, indicative of future performance.
Pour a sip out on the concrete for Apartment G as in Gangsta….
From left to right to floor: Zuck; ex-pat Testa, Gawful
The Spectacular has long believed that the judge of a man’s character is what does when he’s just finished two 40’s and thinks no one’s looking.
Some, like Gawful, pass out under the coffee table while trying to play a Smashing Pumpkins record. Others, like erstwhile pool veteran Jay Testa, move to London without telling anyone.
And then there are those rare and courageous souls who strip down to do their best impressions of the Naked Cowboy – hairiness and pastiness be damned! - replace his trademark hat with a classic Princeton C-Pro and keep on drinking. Mike Zuckerman, I’m looking in your general direction.
It’s been some time since those hacylon days, and in order to measure our maturation, the Spectacular is holding the 2nd Annual Pick ‘Em Spectacular Mutant Sunday at Bar Coastal. Distinguished attendees include the aforementioned Zuckerible and Gawful, as well as Chiggity Chavener and Baumer. Pool reject Hugelonia is also expected to attend, much to the chagrin of the Bar Coastal wingy-makers.
Join us in a dark corner of 1st Avenue two minutes before kickoff to cheer on your Week 3 Picks:
Carolina at Minnesota
Detroit at San Francisco
Kansas City at Atlanta
Arizona at Washington
Pittsburgh at Philadelphia
Jacksonville at Indy
Houston at Tennessee
Cleveland at Baltimore
Dallas at Green Bay
Monday Night Football:
Jets at San Diego
Wikipedia reports that the Triumvirate will be convening in Illdelphia, PA this weekend to hammer out the 139 NFL Pick ‘Em Spectacular Constitution, v3.0. It’s worth noting that one particularly limp-wristed member of the Triumvirate, shown below sporting his traditional shit-eating grin and stuffed antlers, will be telecommuting to the Illadelphia Convention, and thus his influence will be severely compromised, much like his manhood.
Artist's Rendering of the framing of the 139th NFL Pick 'Em Spectacular Constitution v3.0
Stay tuned to this space for more details on this historic event.
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