Pick’Em Payment Plan Released

Auburn, CA

Several of the ungrateful ingrates in this pool have actually paid their dues this year, while others have continued with their usual poor decisions.  While the official deadline is Sunday, 2/3 of the Triumvirate recently met at the last In-n-Out Burger before Tahoe to discuss a possible extension to the agreement, thereby avoiding a possible lockout.  The deadline has been extended One (1) week to Sunday 9/21.  If checks or paypal deposits are not recieved by then, our corrupt math coordinator will assess a Five (5) point penalty to your total score (thereby ending your chance for a perfect week and compromising your shot at the crown) for each week of missed payments.  Again, on Sunday of Week 3, the hammer drops and the points come off the board.

Now, there are several options available to savvy pool veterans and unemployed brethren:

1) Pay immediately at paypal:  brennan.adams@am.jll.com

2) Drop off your bills c/o Anonymous Poe Toaster at One Front Street

3) Send a check to the APT

4) Wait it out to see how you score this season, keeping a low profile in Golden Gate Park and moving your tent every few nights, taking the 5 point weekly haircut in stride

5) Stop picking entirely and slowly fade into Bolivia

Wesley Snipes owes this pool hundreds of dollars. After years of unpaid dues and unanswered emails he was finally removed from the distribution.

Bodymore to Illadelphia: F*ck you

Bodymore, Murdaland

“Philadelphia can keep its broken bell and its cheese steak, but Poe’s body isn’t going anywhere,” said Jeff Jerome, curator of the Poe House in Baltimore.

According to the New York Times, a small contingent of idiots in Illadelphia, Pennsylvania insist that the cherished remains of Edgar Allen Poe, who lived, married, worked, and died in Baltimore, Maryland should be unearthed and transported to their insignificant town, best known for cheese steaks and fat people.

A debate between venerated Baltimore scholar, Jeff Jerome, and windbag Philadelphia dunce, Edward Petitt is scheduled for January 13, but this battle of wits is already shaping up to be a no contest.

The crux of Petitt’s ill-formed argument is that Poe’s macabre writing was inspired by his city’s rampant depravity, but Jerome notes that Poe wrote his first horror story, “Berenice” while living in Baltimore.

Jeff Jerome, coolly preparing his argument from his office on Amity St

The Anonymous Poe Toaster, who tipped the NY Times on to this developing story, had this to say about Petitt’s flawed logic, “I once saw Baumer eat a 2-year-old hot dog at Pat’s, does that mean he should start rooting for the Iggles?”

A mild-mannered intellectual like so many of his Baltimore brethren, Mr. Jerome is nevertheless willing to defend Poe’s Charm City honor by any means necessary.

“I will argue the other guy down with grace and facts,” Mr. Jerome said. “Then I will walk over to him like a gentleman and punch him square in the nose.”